pmdd. AGAIN.

I am really feeling it BAD this month.
My stomach is wincing...
these attacks in my gut always seem worse...
the doc says due to hormones interacting...
It hits me like a brick in the face and my whole world goes awry.
My head is pounding...
like little lightbulbs exploding inside, over and over again,
and little shards of glass cutting, chopping, gouging me in the back of my eyes.
Migranes.
My thoughts are not all my own,
and I catch myself so many times biting my tongue...
Thankfully I usually catch myself...
my tact is gone and insanity is taking over half my thoughts.

I am so many times almost getting myself into trouble...
My thoughts go all over weird places,
The world is a scary place when this happens
and I just keep telling myself
"It will pass, and you will feel better.... "
and
"NO big decision making at this time..."

All my instincts tell me different though and sometimes I just can't stop myself.
Sometimes,though it's a GOOD thing....
because it keeps me from letting people take advantage of me.
I've let that happen more than one too many times and
I'm not doing it anymore.

If people want to put me down,
walk on me and take advantage of my kindness,
they are NOT worth my time and effort.
And I am NOT giving it to them.
If they aren't for me, they are against me.

I can't waste my time on people who bring me down.
Life is just WAY too short to spend it freaking about how someone sees me,
or worrying about how I might be "offending" them by being myself.

Ok, don't get me wrong,I am NOT an unreasonable person.
I would consider myself QUITE the opposite.
Yes even at this time of month.

I am also NOT a selfish person and I think anyone who knows me would say that.
I honestly believe, with all my heart and soul,
that EVERY THING we have is from God and he gave it with us to SHARE,
not play hog with.

Ok, do I sound like I just lost a friend?
Yeah, I gave up on somebody tonight that I *thought* was my friend.
I feel taken advantage of, hurt and just a tad bit ( infuriatingly SO) PISSED OFF.

I want to cry.I want to scream.I want to fight.
I want to rip someones damn head off.
But I won't.
and I will get over it.
I guess I should learn from my mistakes....
but sometimes the lesson is pointless.

There's always tomorrow.
And I just keep telling myself....
REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.